Once, I did some online sessions with a fantastic dance coach. I'd been admiring and following his work for years, loved his style, his personality, and his knowledge of the culture & history of the dance form. The guy is freaking amazing. I was so excited to learn from him.
For the first couple of sessions, I was still excited. And then I started to fizzle out.I could hardly bring myself to work on what we were working on, or film new videos that barely showed any progress. I felt physically drained and sick. And I don't think I was sick. I think I was coming to terms with the fact that I didn't actually want what I thought I wanted. I was judging myself against an aesthetic that isn't even right for me, coming up short, and letting it turn something that was supposed to be joyful into something that felt awful. And the worse I felt, the worse I felt about feeling bad, because I was wasting the time of this world-class coach.
Now, I get that there's a difference between being afraid to try something you want to try, and not actually wanting it. But they can feel deceptively the same, especially if you're used to shutting yourself down when you're afraid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's worth taking the time to be sure the signals telling you what you want are coming from the inside, not the outside. From desire, not from feeling inadequate. From joy, not judgement. Otherwise, you may end up investing your resources - time, money, energy - into a brand, a book a website, or a business that ends up unsustainable, because it's what you thought you were supposed to want. I'd rather build you something that's real.
